Why I Decided to Change My Name

I wasn’t always Ember Wildwood. It was only recently that I up-leveled into becoming Her, and I thought it might be helpful to share a bit about why I decided to make such a huge (and unconventional!) change.

For starters, I’ve never liked the first name I was given: Jennifer. It was the most common female baby name in the United States during the year I was born (actually, it was the most common female baby name for 15 years straight!), and it always felt like everywhere I went, there were always 2-3 other people there with my name.

Ordering coffee, going to the doctor’s office, and other similar activities where they called out first names always seemed to result in me and another woman starting to go forward until we realized there were two of us, then needing to request clarification. I’ve had classmates, coworkers, and a boss named Jennifer.

I even had a roommate with my name (although hers was spelled a bit differently). Back in those days, most households would have a landline with an answering machine, and I always wanted to create a recording that said, “To leave a message for Jen, press 1. To leave a message for Jen, press 2.”

I experimented with different forms of my name over the years. In my early years, my family called me Jenny. Around the 3rd grade, I decided I wanted to feel more grown up, so I insisted that everyone call me Jennifer. In high school, I went by Jen, which stuck with everyone but my parents until I decided to change it. They still called me Jenny, and I insisted I wasn’t a female donkey (yes, they are called Jennys).

But it wasn’t just the fact that my name wasn’t even remotely interesting or unique. It just didn’t resonate. I didn’t feel like it conveyed anything about who I was. It didn’t capture my essence.

When I would introduce myself to people, it always felt like I was using someone else’s name, or like it was more of a title than a name. I might as well have been saying, “Hi, my name is Woman.”

So I started thinking a bit about what I would change my name to if I could. I wrote down lists of options just like I did when I was naming the boys, crossing off things that didn’t quite fit, and adding interesting names I heard online or in movies.

It was very important to me that my name expressed a core, foundational value about who I was. I wanted it to feel 100% truthful and authentic whenever I said the words, “I am ____.”

“I am” statements are incredibly powerful. Every time you say those words, you are projecting out into the Universe a powerful statement about who you are, how you feel about yourself, and what you believe to be true.

How often do we waste those precious words by putting something truly awful after them, like when we degrade ourselves by saying or thinking, “I’m stupid,” or “I’m not that pretty,” or “I’m not good enough.”

But when used intentionally, “I am” statements (a.k.a. affirmations) can completely change your life. Scientific studies have shown that affirmations can light up the reward centers of our brains, decrease stress, and program new beliefs deep into our subconscious minds (1).

So wouldn’t it be a powerful thing to be able to say something positive about yourself every time you introduced yourself to another person?

I considered the impact of each of the names on my list when used as affirmations, and none of them quite worked. So the search for my name continued.

Like most people on this planet, I’ve had various difficulties and traumas throughout my life. But no matter how hard it got, no matter how hopeless things seemed, nothing has ever been able to put out that special magical spark that makes me, Me.

It was always there, at times burning brighter than others… sometimes a radiant fire, and sometimes just a tiny brave smoldering little… ember.

Ember.

Yes, that was it.

My name, my affirmation for myself, my “I am” statement to the word. I am Ember.

My new last name was a different story. Historically, last names, at least in the Western world, usually said something about the family profession. But Ember Entrepreneur or Ember Optometrist’s-Daughter just didn’t quite suit me.

So I decided to go with a last name that spoke about the places I loved. I’ve never truly felt “home” in any city or house that I’ve lived in, but whenever I find myself deep in a forest, along the banks of a winding river, or on the shore of a raging sea, I have that “home” sensation. I feel free, I feel connected, I feel rooted.

After combing through countless “nature” words in a variety of languages, I crafted the surname Wildwood for myself.

It was the perfect fit… a musical, magical combination of names that captured the heart of who I am and what I love: Ember Wildwood.

I didn’t rush out to “make it official” right away. Changing your name, especially when it isn’t something “normal” like taking your husband’s last name after marriage, is a big deal. It took me a full two years to actually file the paperwork.

I knew it would be hurtful to my parents- especially my mother. But I have lived around half of my life as the person with the name she wanted me to have, and I felt like it was only fair that I could live out the remainder of my days as myself.

I wasn’t changing it to be spiteful or because I no longer wanted to be identified with my family. My name change was all about me moving forward in the world as the most authentic version of who I am and who I want to rise up to become.

It was also a bit of a mental hurdle to imagine all the different responses the rest of the people in my life would have to the change. I don’t have a huge circle of friends, but I do have a lot of coworkers who know at least my first name, and at first, I was worried about what they would think.

And then I realized that other people’s opinions didn’t really matter. None of those people were living my life, walking my path, or evolving in exactly the same way that I was. I wasn’t changing who I was deep down inside. In fact, I was just becoming more fully Her.

So if someone wanted to dismiss me or think I was weird or crazy because I was choosing to walk forward in life in a way that I felt good about, then that was their loss. I was a good, solid, gracious person before… imagine what I will be like in a year or five years or a decade of chipping away everything that isn’t me and embodying more fully my true passions and purpose in life.

By taking on the mantle of my new name, I am embracing myself and all the precious gifts that I have to grow, nourish, and someday share in a bigger way with the world. I am saying “Yes” to the life and future that I so deeply desire.

I am stepping away from the attachments I have to people-pleasing and letting fears and conformity control me, and am instead choosing to stand firm in exactly who I am.

And I am Ember Wildwood.